I’ve Been Diagnosed With LPD (Liberal Personality Disorder)
I wasn’t even aware of any symptoms. But yesterday, while having a somewhat civil discussion with a tea-bagger about our totalitarian government, he presented the diagnosis. It must be true, because he claimed to have studied psychology, history and social science in some institution of learning. I went out on the Google machine and studied it.
Needless to say, I was somewhat disappointed to find that the APA has not seen fit to add this disorder into the DSM-IV, which would allow me reimbursement for treatment under a number of health insurance plans. However, I was successful in finding a list of symptoms on the website Conservative Pledge, which include:
- You come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious;
- You monopolize conversations;
- You belittle and look down upon people you perceive as inferior;
- You have a need of entitlement [their grammar, not mine];
- You become very impatient and angry when you don’t receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled;
- You have trouble handling anything that is perceived as criticism;
- You have a sense of secret shame and humiliation;
- You react with rage, contempt and belittle others, in order to make yourself feel better [again, I'm just repeating the words];
- You attack the messenger when you don’t like the message;
- You know that the only way you can look good is to make someone else look bad;
- You feel you are entitled to your own facts as well as your own opinion.
I was also told that LPD is closely related to Narcissism, although my limited intelligence has prevented me from even beginning to figure out that connection. But my fellow conversationalist had studied psychology…
Actually, it sounds like a description of Sean Hannity, but that is obviously not the point. I’m sick and it’s going to take a lot of tough love to fix it, because I realize that health care is really not my right, and I can’t afford the buck-fifty an hour every week that it’s going to cost for therapy.
Support from my friends and [some] family has been overwhelming. It’s not like announcing that you have gonorrhea. Instead of keeping their distance, several have openly declared that they have LPD, too! I never really thought of them that way, but maybe we just need to keep an open mind and accept our weaknesses. Let the healing process begin.
