Michael’s Rantings

Humor in my ‘hood…

In the Fall of 2007, one of my favorite foodie mags – Saveur – devoted an entire issue to eating in Chicago. And there on the cover was the most beautiful slice of pizza that I had ever seen, at some place called Burt’s in Morton Grove. At the time I lived in St. Louis, but I kept the issue and vowed that, as soon as I could visit Chicago, I would try that pizza. Despite a couple of delays, yesterday it finally happened. And man was it worth the wait.

Burt’s is a really happy hole-in-the-wall. The current incarnation is about 25 years old, but I’m sure that most of the furnishings came from one of his earlier restaurants. An avid jazz fan, Burt also likes to collect antique phones, radios and other antiques, which line the place and contribute to the dusty feeling. The walls are littered with reviews and stories about Burt’s odyssey, his unique personality, and mostly his success at delivering the goods. After 40+ years in the business, he still works the kitchen alone, and his wife Sharon takes care of the front.

Which brings me to my arrival. I dropped in on a Friday at 11:30 for an early lunch. The place was empty. In fact, Burt was chatting with a vendor when I walked through the door, and I was psyched that I had beaten the crowd. Sharon came out to greet me, and that’s when I started to get my education. She asked me if I had called ahead. That kind of caught me off guard. I said no, and she told me that it probably wouldn’t matter; go ahead and have a seat. What I learned is that, Burt’s Place is so popular he doesn’t book tables, he schedules his ovens. You have to call, tell him when you want to eat, and he’ll have the pizza ready. When the ovens fill up, you’re screwed, even if the restaurant is empty. It kind of amazed me. Now that I know better, I have a menu at the house, and will use it to order before making the 30 minute drive north of Chicago (don’t even ask if it’s worth it.)

My antipasto salad was iceberg lettuce with olives, peppers, pepperoni, and had a tasty vinaigrette. Nothing to write home about but a nice way to start. I ordered a 10″ sausage, sliced tomato and fresh spinach pizza. All of the toppings are fresh, and I can assure you that on my next visit I will order something completely different, because I want to try everything. The banana peppers are an intriguing idea, and I’m really sorry that I skipped the fresh garlic, which was always a favorite of mine in New Jersey (especially with the sliced tomato.) Things like sliced bell pepper and fresh jalapeno make this more like a candy store than a pizza joint.

Sharon told me that they call it “pan pizza,” but when we talked regional style she kind of laughed and said, “it’s just our style.” Not Chicago, Sicilian, or stuffed. Burt just does it his way. And it’s the best way. I took a slice home to try Saturday morning. HEAVEN! Laura avoided the sausage and took a bite. I watched her face transform as the flavors, textures and bit of oven char (a trademark of his) hit. No problem getting her to join me next time.

So: 1) eat at Burt’s as soon as possible; 2) call ahead to make sure you don’t have to wait; 3) enjoy your micro-brew beers, because there is no hard liquor (bad for me, but it was lunch); 4) be nice to Sharon because she is nice to you.

I can’t wait to go back. If any of my friends want to visit Chicago, I promise we will schedule pizza for dinner one evening.

According to yesterday’s Chicago Tribune, Redeye edition, the South Carolina Senate is considering the repeal of a law that requires any group intent on overthrowing the government to apply for a permit and pay a $5 fee. No shit. The “Subversive Activities Registration Act” dates back to the 50’s and our paranoia of communists, and levies a $25,000 fine and 10 years in prison for its violation.

Do you know what this means? All we have to do is make this federal, and we’ve solved our terrorism problem. Al Qaeda – register and pay the fee. Instead of spending $3 trillion on wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, we could actually be making money on this one. It is elegant in its simplicity.

For some reason, lawmakers in South Carolina are embarrassed by this. I can’t imagine why.

I wasn’t even aware of any symptoms. But yesterday, while having a somewhat civil discussion with a tea-bagger about our totalitarian government, he presented the diagnosis. It must be true, because he claimed to have studied psychology, history and social science in some institution of learning. I went out on the Google machine and studied it.

Needless to say, I was somewhat disappointed to find that the APA has not seen fit to add this disorder into the DSM-IV, which would allow me reimbursement for treatment under a number of health insurance plans. However, I was successful in finding a list of symptoms on the website Conservative Pledge, which include:

1. You come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious;
2. You monopolize conversations;
3. You belittle and look down upon people you perceive as inferior;
4. You have a need of entitlement [their grammar, not mine];
5. You become very impatient and angry when you don’t receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled;
6. You have trouble handling anything that is perceived as criticism;
7. You have a sense of secret shame and humiliation;
8. You react with rage, contempt and belittle others, in order to make yourself feel better [again, I'm just repeating the words];
9. You attack the messenger when you don’t like the message;
10. You know that the only way you can look good is to make someone else look bad;
11. You feel you are entitled to your own facts as well as your own opinion.

I was also told that LPD is closely related to Narcissism, although my limited intelligence has prevented me from even beginning to figure out that connection. But my fellow conversationalist had studied psychology…

Actually, it sounds like a description of Sean Hannity, but that is obviously not the point. I’m sick and it’s going to take a lot of tough love to fix it, because I realize that health care is really not my right, and I can’t afford the buck-fifty an hour every week that it’s going to cost for therapy.

Support from my friends and [some] family has been overwhelming. It’s not like announcing that you have gonorrhea. Instead of keeping their distance, several have openly declared that they have LPD, too! I never really thought of them that way, but maybe we just need to keep an open mind and accept our weaknesses. Let the healing process begin.

Yep, I’m a trekkie. Not the kind with ears or a uniform, but the devoted fan who watches the different series and used to win an occasional trivia contest (admittedly long ago.) But something struck me today as I was eating my Jimmy John’s sub and watching Star Trek: Enterprise (see, I am a fan.)

We all know that Vulcans are characterized by highly-developed rational thought and suppressed emotions. Also, their culture is very traditional – one might even say conservative: prejudiced to the past, cautious to action, and fiercely protective of traditional ways. And we’re all good with that, right? Noble characteristics paired with heightened reason, logic and devotion to rationality. But does life really work that way? Not on this planet.

What happens to societies that are based upon rationality? [Author's note: I'm talking on a macro level, not judging individual behaviors.] During and after The Enlightenment, much was written about such societies descending into chaos, unbridled passion, and wickedness. Unchecked rationality would lead to the sin of Pride; man’s vanity would abandon Providential law and destroy order. This notion really picked up steam as the Jacobins revolted and started beheading people.

So, what should Vulcan society really look like? It strikes me that they would be kind of like teens: early adopters, experimenters and artists. Vulcans would be ready to reinvent themselves as conditions change, in accordance with their logic. Their architecture would be cutting-edge and they’d probably have an awesome fashion sense, as well. And while they might not be huge fun at a party, you’d always be at their house because it would be the coolest of all your friends. Just sayin’…

I have a lot of family in small towns who don’t understand my love of big cities: the trash, the noise, the people everywhere. But where else can you do so much in so little time? My trip to NYC last week is a great example: awesome food, theater and friends in a non-stop, 40-hour package.

First stop, The Spotted Pig. I discovered this place about a year ago on the television. April Bloomfield, the chef/owner, was featured on Iron Chef America and the secret ingredient was olive (yecch.) She beat Bobby Flay and was so creative I vowed to check out her place. The Spotted Pig is a gastropub in the West Village that fills up fast after work. We arrived about six o’clock on Friday and waited about 30 minutes for a table. The place buzzes; I even met a young man from London at the bar who told me he had flown to NYC for a meal with his old girlfriend at this favorite place.

We were seated upstairs, where there’s a dining area and second bar. As you can see, the colors and decor are vibrant. The food is a mixture of British public house fare and culinary imagination; you won’t feel bored reading the menu (which changes frequently.) All of us are cocktail drinkers, so I can’t comment on the beers, but I can recommend that you start with the shoestring fries. They’re fried in duck fat. Even a vegetarian will love them. Another must-have side dish is the roasted Brussels Sprouts, dripping in butter and with the right amount of charring. Brian and Laura had the Skate wing special which they both loved, while I had the beef tongue. I haven’t eaten tongue since my youth, but this was cosmic. As you can see from my lame photograph, the plate was beautiful and full of flavors. All I can tell you is don’t be afraid; my meal was so good I’m still talking about it: roasted beets, fingerling potatoes in duck fat, cream and dill over a silky meat. Wow. [Author's note: I did improve my eating habits during the rest of the trip.]

Next stop, Fuerza Bruta, a great theatrical performance that was thoroughly enjoyable if not explainable. Mixing elements of dance, rave, and performance art, we stood in the theater for about an hour and were repeatedly fascinated by the combinations of sound, light, texture and dance. While the still photographs don’t do it justice, they are better than my words. Rock on…

I have no idea what this means, but I found it on a Facebook post about buying American products.

“We gotta reboot, patriotic fragrance, Knowing that in reality, this is God”s own Land! The nicest Steak of a pelican. Also to certainly bear in mind that, in our midst and over all, there are elements of discord.” — Oluwafemi Adedayo Fischer

I’ve been reading “The Conservative Mind” recently, a seminal history of conservative thought by the late Russell Kirk. It profiles and catalogues a number of great thinkers, including the Irishman Edmund Burke, John Adams, and John Randolph. Not only is it good to revisit their writings, but it highlights just how far our political thought has drifted in the past two centuries – or fifty years, for that matter.

Conservatism, as Burke writes, is characterized by a number of principles, including a belief in transcendent [God's] law, a prejudice towards tradition, and a responsibility to provide future generations with a positive legacy (sort of like the Boy Scout pledge to leave places nicer than when you found them.) It is a fairly simple process: tradition and prejudice allow us to preserve the past and maintain a connection to our ancestors, while stewardship communicates our precious cultural intelligence to posterity, thus insuring continuity.

So what does that mean for environmentalism? Listening to today’s conservatives, you would think that doctrine prescribes plundering resources for the benefit of corporate benefactors, campaign coffers, and consumers. Interestingly, Burke speaks to the subject directly in Reflections:

One of the first and most leading principles on which the commonwealth and its laws are consecrated, is lest the temporary possessors and life-renters in it, unmindful of what they have received from their ancestors, or of what is due to their posterity, should act as if they were the entire masters; that they should not think it among their rights to cut off the entail, or commit waste on the inheritance, by destroying at their pleasure the whole original fabric of their society; hazarding to leave to those who come after them a ruin instead of a habitation – and teaching these successors as little to respect their contrivances, as they had themselves respected the institutions of their forefathers.

While environmentalism has recently become associated with tree-hugging progressives, we should be reminded that trashing our inheritance – God’s bounty – goes against the very conservative principles of prejudice and tradition. This is firm, common ground on which all Americans can work together.

And, speaking of working together on the environment, Congress is considering adjustments to the Clean Water Act which, among other things, would strictly limit the dumping of toxic wastes into small streams (thank you conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.) These streams feed our rivers and lakes, which are the source of drinking water for a sizable portion of the population. Contact your Senators and Representatives and tell them to support the Clean Water Restoration Act, or S.787. If they have an “R” behind their name, feel free to remind them of Edmund Burke!

I was channel-surfing during lunch today when I came across Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC, interviewing Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI). Ryan is the House’s ranking Republican on the Committee On The Budget. I’m not going to get into his policies here, because this post is about what a sloppy journalist Andrea Mitchell has become.

The discussion was on the budget, and healthcare. Ryan asserted that Republicans had been shut out of the healthcare debate, and their ideas are not incorporated:

1. tort reform will lead to cost controls;
2. insurance companies should be able to compete across state lines;
3. small employers should be able to join exchanges, or larger pools to achieve negotiating power;
4. preventing the takeover of the healthcare industry by government bureaucracy.

During this entire talking-point tirade, Ms. Mitchell didn’t once point out that all of these ideas are in the two bills waiting to be reconciled, incorporated by bipartisan committees due to the willingness of Democrats to negotiate. And while she did point out that the public option had been killed, so therefore his last point was unfair, she let him continue to spout that regulation would create a de facto government takeover by forcing private industry to behave. Wow.

I know that news isn’t what it used to be, and “reporters” are under tremendous pressure to let their guests spew crap without challenge, but that prompts me to ask: “If all the host has to do is provide a platform for talking points, then why do they have to be experienced and highly paid?”

Here’s a really cool video to watch today: a simulation of what it would be like to travel through a black hole (assuming you aren’t torn to individual atoms by the gravitational shearing.) Thanks to Jonathan Turley for noticing.